How do we put the magic back into our marriage?

, ,

This is a question I hear so often from my clients, “we kinda love each other, but we’re not in love any more, what can we do to put the magic back?”  It’s hard isn’t it, when you’ve been in a relationship for years, to keep the excitement and interest alive.

Relationships go through stages, you get the romantic, passionate, falling in love bit at the beginning, when you feel so alive, as though you’ve met the one person that you’ve been looking for all your life and you really believe that you will be together forever.  You feel safe and secure, but excited and full of passion for life at the same time.

But then things start to change, you might feel bored or disillusioned with your partner, what you once thought was an endearing trait, now just irritates you.  Maybe you feel your partner is unwilling or unable to meet your needs and just perhaps you feel unable to meet theirs.  Sometimes there’s a bit of a power struggle going on, so you just baton down the hatches and stay in your corner, trying to keep out of each other’s way as much as possible.

At this point a lot of people start to head down the ‘shall we separate’ route and head towards the divorce lawyer’s office.  But the reality is that this is a really difficult path to tread, it involves a lot of heartache, listening to family lawyers talking about how to share out your life’s possessions and treasures, the things that you’ve worked so hard to accumulate over the years, is no easy thing, trust me, as a Family Consultant who works alongside couples going through this process, I’ve witnessed the pain of these discussions.

But there is another way, Couples Coaching!  Often couples arrive in my office devastated by the shambles that they see their relationship has become, unable to see a future together.  Some have been together for years and say they have nothing in common anymore, their days of wine and roses are nothing but a distant memory.  For others their partnership might be relatively new, and they can’t understand what’s happened, they feel helpless as they flounder through the daily routines and argue about who does what for who.

Shattered dreams are painful and destabilising for all concerned, if you’re currently struggling to find love and meaning in your relationship, I’m guessing you’ll know what I mean.  But there is hope, there is a route to find your way back, a way to put the sparkle back into your relationship, to get to know each other again, to clear up some of the misunderstandings and conflict.  The B.E.C.O.M.E couples coaching programme, helps people like you to do just that, it gets you back on track, it shows you how to communicate and learn to meet each other’s needs on a level that you are unlikely to have ever experienced before.

Long term loving relationships, whether within the boundaries of ‘marriage’ or not, take hard work and commitment.  You also need the courage to change things and grow together, it’s all possible, you can get that loving feeling back!

www.lesleydowns.co.uk             Coaching for better Relationships            Lesley@lesleydowns.co.uk